Feeling stuck in your relationship? Ready to move on? But can't get closure? I can help. After all, I wrote the book!
In a literal sense, the word closure indicates something drawing to a close, such as the end of a romantic relationship, the end of a professional relationship, or, most heartbreaking of all, the end of a life. But closure is more complex than that. In fact, sometimes closure is not about an end at all, but rather about bringing some kind of a resolution to an issue that seems to come up all the time.
It is human to need closure. Sometimes we find the closure we need, sometimes not, and sometimes the healthiest closure is to choose to walk away.
“I have to have some kind of closure,” a client said to me after a sudden breakup. “Why won’t he give that to me?”
I’ve had many similar conversations with clients who are ending a marriage or facing major life changes. Have you felt that need for closure eating away at you lately?
Dr. Gary McClain is an educator, psychotherapist, relationship coach, and author with a practice in New York City. The focus of his practice is adults in transition – romantic and family relationships, health and caregiving, work and career, and loss and grief. Effective communication, difficult conversations, and closure are topics that he frequently explores with his clients.
Do you have a question about finding closure? Dr. Gary can help.
When you really love someone, it is only human to open yourself up to them in a way that can lead to a deep connection but also leave you open to feeling the pain of disappointment, fears of abandonment, the anger of betrayal.
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The need for everyday closure can become a burden, causing you to constantly second guess yourself, to feel shameful, sad, angry. If so, it may be time to take a closer look at yourself.
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While you may have deep affection and a long history with another family member, you may also be carrying baggage and memories that have resulted in resentments that can easily get stirred up.
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As with any conversation around seeking closure, attempting to find closure with a friend is risky; it may lead to growth, it may lead to disappointment or conflict, or it may lead to separation.
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Closure can bring some measure of peace of mind after a loss, and there is a lot to be said for peace of mind when you have lost someone you love, but it doesn’t necessarily make the pain go away.
Read MoreFinding closure in the workplace is especially complex because what feels right and fair may have to be balanced with the nuances of workplace politics. In other words, the desire for closure may need to take second place to what’s best for your job or career in the short term.
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In this empathetic and insightful guide, Dr. McClain explains why the promise of closure is so appealing—and why it’s not always all it’s cracked up to be. He walks readers through what closure is (and isn’t), the reasons we want it, how to seek it in healthy and productive ways, and ways to move forward when you don’t get the closure you’re looking for.
Whether you’re dealing with the pain of loss, or are simply feeling the need to tie up a loose end, big or small, in a relationship, The Power of Closure will help you let go of the past and embrace the future.