A Question About A Sudden Breakup
“I have been dating a guy for about three months. I thought everything was going well between us. Then all of a sudden, he told me he needed some space and would get back to me when he felt ready. I tried to get him to talk about why he has this sudden need for space, and he has ghosted me. I deserve closure.”
Answer from Dr. Gary
People can be mysteries sometimes. As you said, you seem to be building a nice relationship and then they suddenly cut you off without explaining why. It is human nature to want answers, to know what happened. To have closure.
I agree that you deserve an explanation for cutting you off and leaving you hanging like this.
But I also think it’s important for you to protect your heart. Even after only three months, you probably have a good sense of what he is capable of emotionally. Is he someone who can sit down and have a conversation about what happened between the two of you? If so, you might consider asking him to meet you in a neutral place where you can have a conversation, like a park or a corner table at a coffee shop. Tell him your perception of what happened, how he seemed to suddenly cut you off, and how you feel as a result. Give him a chance to talk about what’s going on with him and why he came to this decision. You might find a way forward or you might at least part ways with mutual understanding. Ideal closure, right?
But again, protect your heart. Is telling him how you feel, regardless of how he responds, all you need to feel like you have closure? Then you may not care how he responds.
However if your experience with him is that he is not able to talk about his feelings, that he might shut down or become defensive or abusive or gaslight you, then you might also consider whether attempting this conversation is going to benefit you or not. Also keep in mind that given that he is ghosting you, he might not respond at all. Would these alternate outcomes make you feel worse? If so, you may choose to chalk this up to experience and walk away.
Before you reach out for closure, be fully aware of your own intentions as well as, based on what you have experienced with this guy, how he might potentially respond. Do what’s best for you!