Question: My boyfriend recently broke up with me. I guess it was mutual. He was really involved in his job and had little time for me, and told me this wouldn’t be changing anytime soon. We broke via text. I want to meet and talk about what happened, but I also have to admit that I really want to say something hurtful.
I really appreciate your honesty here. I want to address your question from a few different angles.
First, the texting. I sure understand that texting has found its way into our daily communication. Having said that, I also think it is great for arranging meeting times but not great for communication that requires real-time, in person interaction. It is all to easy to misinterpret emotions via text, we need body language and vocal tonality to have complete communication.
So, I think it is a good idea to meet in person.
But before you do, ask yourself what your intention is here. It sounds to me like you are already concerned that you intention might be to hurt back because you were hurt. That is human nature. But this also means that you may be at risk for using closure as a weapon of revenge.
I always encourage my clients to seek closure as a means of communicatinloseg your own feelings, and how someone else’s behavior impacted you, as well as to better understand what was going on with the other person, what motivated their behavior. To say what you need to say, to listen, and to forge a way forward, whether that is to cease further communication or to find a way forward, such as redfining your relationship.
Revenge is a lose-lose. You risk not acting out of your best self. And you risk damaging the other person in ways that may leave you haunted by guilty thoughts and shameful feelings in the future. I encourage you to meet with your ex-boyfriend, assuming you now view him as your ex, and act out of kindness and compassion. Toward yourself, first, and then toward him. Closure can clear the air, and help you open up to the next c