We were having dinner with mutual friends and he said something that embarrassed me. I can’t sit with this but I don’t know how to bring it up.
It’s really disappointing and humiliating when someone you care about makes an inappropriate comment in front of friends.
I suspect that, at the time, you were in a state of shock that this person – a friend, a romantic partner, a family member – would say something like this. You may not have known how to react and just sat there. You may have reacted in anger, maybe said something mean directed toward them. You may have blushed, even made accepted the comment as if it was deserved.
But clearly, you are left with a bad feeling about this. And it sounds like want closure. Whether that means letting this person know how hurt and betrayed you feel, or how angry. Maybe you want an apology. You may even be questioning how to move forward in your relationship after this incident.
My point here is to take a step back and carefully consider your intent. What do you want to convey to this person? What do you want to hear back from them? It’s really important to be clear with yourself before you move forward in seeking closure. Move forward with clear intentions!
As you consider your intent, also consider what you know about the other person. How might they respond? If you think they will be receptive to you, and attempt to understand how you feel, then you are moving forward with empowerment. If you think they may not be open, or may ridicule you, or attempt to gaslight you and tell you are overreacting, then these are reasons not to move forward with seeking closure.
Seeking closure can deepen, or reset your relationship. Or it can end up making you feel worse. Have reasonable expectations. And remember that one of your options is to walk away from seeking closure, to forgive the other person, or to set better boundaries in terms of the way you spend time with them, or you may realize they are not someone you need in your life.